Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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