Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
