So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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