capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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