just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
