she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
