Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
