Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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