Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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