What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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