My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize