...so i touched it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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