i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
