life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
