Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
