I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
