As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
