dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
