And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
