Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
