there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
