Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
