And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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