can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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