That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
