I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
