she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
