awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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