We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My ass is underappreciated
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
