I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
