I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
