I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
