Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
