Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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