Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
