nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
These tits shall not be calmed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
