Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
