last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
