On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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