the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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