I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
