I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
