That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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