i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
