I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
