I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
