Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
