just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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