if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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