It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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