jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
