yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
