theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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