she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
