also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
