there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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