If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
