they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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