You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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