I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
this will be a night to untag.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
