Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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