so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
