dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
