the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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