Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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