I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
