who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Never underestimate the power of titties
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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