My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
