bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
