Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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