At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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