i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Let's get the cat blown out
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
