My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
