i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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