Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
