jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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