but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
