it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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