normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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