what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
