they need to just BURY HIM!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
