Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize