North Korea, Best Korea!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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