hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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