Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
