If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
