life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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