My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
