Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
