i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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