she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
