I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
