we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
