He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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