no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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