Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
