do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize