I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
