thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
a search helicopter?!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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