I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
