I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
