he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
