Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
